Monday, June 22, 2009

Joelle: The Apology

I'm sorry I'm such a shit-ass friend.

I know what you mean, though. I used to get all excited about plans and going to the movies and hanging out with friends.
But I guess it's all the times I've been stood-up that has made me such a hard-ass.

And with all the times you've implied you'd like to do something...
And I just acted oblivious...
Look, I knew you wanted to do something,
but I'm just such a shit friend that I put myself before how you felt and pretended not to notice.

I'm sorry you cried.

But, if we're having a cry-fest, I might as well express how I feel.
And I'm really sorry if this seems like I'm being a baby and a shitfuck
Just know that I really do love you. And I'm no good at this.

That has been my summer since I was probably 8.
From the day my mom stopped planning play dates, I've been alone through the summer.
You are my
only friend.
I don't know if you know that, but it's true.
I mean, yeah, I have Jake and Emily.
But I talk to Jake twice a month and Emily once every other month.
I never get invited to parties, and when you invite me I say no because
I'm a lazy shit.

And if you texted me, I'm sorry. I received no text message.

I'm sorry if it seems like I use you, but I really don't think I do.
I know it probably seems like all I
ever do is talk about Alex,
But that's because you're the ONLY one I can talk to.
And you know how it is when you love someone.
They're all you think about.
They're all you want to talk about.
Nothing else matters except for them.
And you just wanna convince everyone of how magnificent they are.

And I've been a prick.
I'm sorry.
I love you. I really do.
That's no excuse for my behavior.

I'm just so used to being alone that being alone is my comfort zone.

So, I'll stop talking about every dream I have.
And I'll shut up about Alex.
And I want to talk about you more, not just me.
And I want you to feel on top of the world.
And I want you to be happy with Dillion.
And I want you to just forget me when you're with him.
He's more than I'll ever be.
And I'm happy that you have him.

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